Vacation started the minute I got to the airport, and you can bet I was in the airport terminal somewhere getting wasted.

Vacations always turned out to be a time when I drank the most alcohol! I would drink everyday that I was on vacation. There were no breaks, I barely remember them because of that!

I was in Paris, Bali, at the Christ statue in Brasil, Cancun Mexico - it didn’t matter. My only agenda was to drink alcohol.

It’s in bits and pieces now. I can remember being there, but I don’t remember exactly what I did the whole time I was there. Even with being at some of these ‘once in a lifetime places’, I was more focused on drinking.

I would say let’s go find the bars instead of the attractions. I would wake up too hungover to go sight-seeing.

It got so bad; I would need a vacation from my vacation! I would need to recover after getting home from what was supposed to be a relaxing trip. The fun relaxing trip, turned out to be an all out drinking binge.

It was more of a shit show than a vacation, honestly! And yes, I put myself in very precarious positions getting drunk on foreign lands.

In Paris, I told everyone to leave because I wanted to stay later than the group of people I was with. I stayed by myself at the famous club moulin rouge, with no way to get home, no money, no idea how to speak the language, and was drunk off my ass. It was a miracle I got back to the hotel in one piece!

This wasn’t just in Paris; it was also on the streets of Brasil. I was asked to go to a club with someone I didn’t know (luckily, I got a really bad feeling from the guy and said no). Looking back, that was definitely a chance encounter with a trafficking ring. The guy had a group of girls off in the corner looking terrified. I didn’t even know about trafficking back then, I just knew that scene was not right. Those girls looked terrified to me.

I look back and see how dangerous and reckless I was when drinking alcohol. And on vacation, that got ten times worse for me because the vacation WAS to drink. It wasn’t to go sight seeing. Plain and simple, I didn’t care what happened to me.

Not remembering the vacation was the least of my worries. It’s a bummer I wasn’t more appreciative at the time, but how could I be? I was drinking alcohol. It wasn’t my focus to be present back then.

I am just glad I am here today, able to write this blog, SOBER. There were MANY close calls with what I was doing. Getting drunk with strange men at the bar, walking home alone in the dark streets of Cancun Mexico when I was 18. So many ways I was just asking for trouble!

I wasn’t stupid either, I knew it was dangerous. But my desire for drinking alcohol and having a good time, outweighed everything. The only thing that mattered to me in that moment was how much fun I could have! The fun was MY ONLY GOAL!

I was always glad when I came home from vacation because I got to recover from the drinking binge.

After the shame and regret would clear the more I was home - then I would start to feel better.

I was a drunken mess most vacations, so the shame would pile up with the stories everyone had of me, or the pictures people snapped of me being drunk. I would laugh it off, like “yeah that was so fun!” But really, I just wanted to forget everything that happened. I wasn’t proud of what I did buzzed or drunk.

I felt, “why can’t I be like everyone else?” Just able to control my drinking and relax and have fun on vacation. I ALWAYS took it to the next level; I could never have just one drink! Once I started going, I wanted to party all night.

I almost didn’t make it home on two trips. One was in Paris because I partied till 5 in the morning, got back to the hotel, laid on my bed for an hour, then had to be at the airport at 7 in the morning. They stopped me because I still smelled like alcohol and said I might not be able to fly home.

Another time was leaving Mexico where I drank so much alcohol my toe flared up to twice its size, the whole thing was bright red, and my toenail was falling off. I could barely walk to the airport, and now I had to fly! I was hopping on one leg to my seat. I later found out it was gout. I had no idea what was going on in that moment though, I just knew the alcohol was the reason I couldn’t walk. My toe did this coming home from New Orleans too. I drank for days on end, so I knew alcohol had SOMETHING to do with it.

All those precious memories that were supposed to be captured and remembered, weren’t like that for me. I was too focused on getting sloshed face. I came back with regret, shame, and intense feelings of “what did I do?” I came back with health issues, and in serious incidents - needing to see a doctor.

Just about every vacation something like this happened!

I didn’t know how to vacation. When you’re needing a break from the vacation when you get home - that’s a problem. I know vacations are ‘supposed’ to be life changing, awesome, and memorable - I didn’t have that! Vacations were hard for me. I made them more about the alcohol, and less about the destination, that is why they turned out horrible.

If I didn’t think I had an issue drinking alcohol, a vacation would always highlight that for me, loud and clear!

I think the best thing about getting sober is seeing how vacations don’t revolve around alcohol now. I’m not associating a good time with how many bars I visit.

Being sober showed me I can have fun anywhere I go! I used to not think that was possible. I used to be consumed with how I am going to drink alcohol on vacation. It started the minute I got to the airport and got on the plane. I would need alcohol just to fly! Then I ballooned up drinking at 30,000 feet. My ankles were twice their size from me being drunk and flying. It was horrible!

It's just, everything in life becomes so much better when you get sober, even vacations. To not associate them with getting wasted or needing a drink at dinner time made vacations a thousand times better! I feel so free, knowing I could go anywhere in the world and be perfectly okay with being sober. It was something I had wanted even when I was drinking alcohol.

I’m not a huge vacationer, I don’t go on them all the time, but when I do, it is so peaceful. I remember everything that happens, I don’t put myself in danger, and I can enjoy the trip - embarrassment free!

Now that is what I call happiness!

If you want to start your road to true freedom and becoming alcohol free, start with my ‘Sober for an Hour’ 7-day program! It’s a 7-day plan to help you begin!

Love,

Mahina