Ooooh I’ve been there. Looking for love in ALL the wrong places.

I was all about drinking, meeting guys that way, and dating the ones who liked to get drunk and party. That was my whole MO when I was at the bars.

Every single boyfriend I had was also a drinker, or we wouldn’t be dating! That was what we did for fun. We each had our group of friends and went to the bars to hang out.

It was pretty normal for me to associate my love life with alcohol. let’s say that.

Actually, I didn’t have a love life if alcohol wasn’t involved.

Every single guy I dated drank with me. Every single guy I met at the bar was drinking with me. I went on one blind date, and he didn’t drink, let’s just say that was the last time we ever saw eachother.

It just wasn’t my vibe if alcohol wasn’t involved. Especially with a guy!

I liked to say I was great at being vulnerable, open, and communicative, but the truth was I was hiding behind the booze and boys.

They were just distractions for me.

I would drink and all my lonely feelings would come out. I felt alone, separated, craving male attention, and needy.

Not needy in I need a guy, I was never that hallmark type of woman. But I did need someone with me. I had a very serious boyfriend from high school who felt like ‘the one’. Come to find out, we just had a lot of unresolved karma and it felt like my heart had been ripped out when we broke up.

That’s when I turned to more booze, bars, and boys to cope.

It got out of hand with that heartbreak. I was in my mid 20’s and to cope with the grief, I just tried to fill that void with lots of alcohol! That is when my promiscuous years began. I was drowning my sorrows in alcohol and didn’t care who I brought home. Some were strangers, some were friends, but all of them were really void fillers.

It was the breakup that felt like a bomb went off in my life. I had done some drunk hook-ups before, but not like this.

It led to me dating someone I KNEW I shouldn’t be dating. I of course met him at the bar. It was just a guy to fill the void of me missing my past relationship, which I also knew needed to end. But I was still sad about it. It was to this day, still the worst break up I have been through.

I was a regular alcohol drinker through all of this, it made it a million times worse! When I drank, I had a lot to say about it. I would write drunk texts, wake up embarrassed as hell, and wonder what the fuck I was trying to even say.

Or worse! Wake up with some strange guy next to me. Completely disgusted, revolted, and wanting to leave immediately when I saw what situation I was in.

Most of you know what I’m talking about. The hook ups you never want to remember.

As the years went on, and I was over that phase of craziness and the heartbreak subsided, I was off on another drunken adventure with booze and boys.

I thought I was more mature now, able to handle meeting guys this way, because we all know why were at the bars! It is ALWAYS to meet that one person who we are going to find attractive and fun to be around.

Like Mr. right is going to be at the bars anyways. LOL.

The truth is, the guy is drinking for the same reason you are! That is not going to make for a healthy relationship in the long run.

But when I was there, I didn’t give a second thought! That’s what I did at the time. Me then, couldn’t have been with someone who didn’t drink. That’s also why none of my relationships ever lasted. I would get into one and find out this beta male is NOT it for me.

A couple years passed and I had got into another serious relationship. This guy was a good friend from high school. So we definitely knew each other when after all these years, more started to blossom. I thought okay, this is cool. No more going to the bars and doing crazy shit. I was content, and it felt like this was the most stable relationship I had in a long time! I was excited for it actually. We had a lot in common and he was artsy, a musician, and a cook. We loved hanging out and doing that while also bonding over alcohol drinks. I felt like this could work, right??

Even with all this stability, friendship, and commonalities between us, it was one of the most chaotic years of my life. I was barely going to the bars too!

What happened was my life started to spin out of control more than I could ever have imagined it could! I thought me being home more and in a nice relationship was going to be my the answers to all my problems.

Instead, it was the hardest year of my life.

I had more panic attacks than ever before. I would wake up so depressed, I didn’t even know what I needed to do for the day. I also didn’t have a name for it, I thought something was just wrong with me. Not even seeing it as a severe case of depression! I was not wildly happy in the relationship and even though I wasn’t going to the bars to drink most nights, I was waking up wondering if 1:00 in the afternoon was too early to have a glass of wine.

What I thought was going to help me, only drove me further into despair.

Every time I had a relationship with someone and we both drank alcohol, it was like we were there… but not. Intimacy was non-existent, there was no deep talks about life or healing, there was little to no communication, and when emotions were high.. we both drank alcohol.

What it was a distraction for me.

That was why I felt so miserable, lost, lonely, and depressed. I was ignoring ALL the signs that was showing me loud and clear to NOT get into a relationship right now, but I did it anyways.

The alcohol didn’t help either. I made all my decisions when I was buzzed, and they weren’t’ good ones either! Those buzzed drunk decisions to start dating a guy I hung out with a couple times led to a year of dating, moving in with him, and derailing my path. It was a year of distracting myself! All because we hung out two times getting drunk.

I know so many women can relate to what I’m saying! I know you get buzzed and start picking up that phone calling the first guy that comes to mind. Or being way looser with yourself buzzed at the bar, looking to mingle. Getting drunk and mingling is THE thing to do!

99% of the times I ever talked to a guy, hooked up, or dated a guy was because alcohol was involved. And ZERO of those guys ever lasted in my life. They were never what I was needing to be with.

That really boiled down to: it was because I was never the person that I needed. I started to see; I was searching for ME the whole time.

I know it’s so cliché, but hot damn is it true. Getting myself sober and not craving that male attention like I use to is EVERYTHING. I feel myself respect and confidence now. I feel that when the right guy does come along…. It’s not because we have alcohol to bond over, but a desire to get to know each other on a deeper level. The only level I want and appreciate now that I am sober!

For the first time in my life I am content, HAPPY, free, and ready when the Universe brings into my life a relationship I can be sober with.

But what suprised me more than anything was seeing I was that relationship I needed! ME! NOT the booze, bars, or boys. That was an empty void that was never going to be filled. Just more sorrow, despair, and distractions.

If you want to start your road to TRUE freedom and sobriety, start here! My sober for an hour 7-day program is the place to begin your sobriety journey.

Love,

Mahina